Without question, my notable favorite read of the year was Jonathan Safran Foer’s “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”. At times whimsical, melancholy, joyful, and then utterly heart breaking, this story had a significant impact on me with it’s themes of love and loss set in the aftermath of the September 11th attacks, and with significant reference to the bombings of Dresden and Hiroshima.
There is one passage in particular which takes form as a letter to the main character/9 year old boy, Oskar, from his Grandmother which says this:
“The night before I lost everything was like any other night. Anna and I kept each other awake very late. We laughed. Young sisters in a bed under the roof of their childhood home. Wind on the window. How could anything less deserve to be destroyed? I thought we would be awake all night. Awake for the rest of our lives. The spaces between our words grew. It became difficult to tell when we were talking and when we were silent. The hairs of our arms touched.It was late, and we were tired. We assumed there would be other nights. Anna’s breathing started to slow, but I still wanted to talk. She rolled onto her side. I said, I want to tell you something. She said, You can tell me tomorrow. I had never told her how much I loved her. She was my sister. We slept in the same bed. There was never a right time to say it. It was always unnecessary. The sheets were rising and falling around me with Anna’s breathing. I thought about waking her. But it was unnecessary. There would be other nights. And how can you say I love you to someone you love? I rolled onto my side and fell asleep next to her. Here is the point of everything I have been trying to tell you,It’s always necessary.”
I usually call my mom a couple times a week on the way into work, just for the typical catch up and general conversation. I’ve a very small and immediate family, the sort that can be a bit whacked out and hard on each other, but foundationally it’s because we love each other so intensely. This love of course is one that is typically unspoken.
It was this book, and this passage in particular that really caused me to evaluate the familial status quo. And for that matter any sincere expression of love within any of my very close relationships. If it’s there, and it’s true, why let it go unspoken “just because”?
Now all phone calls with my mom end with me telling her that I love her. I noticed it threw her off at first (though definitely not in a bad way), but she’s since taken to it, and such earnest exchange is our new status quo. 
How to Join the Best of 2009 Challenge: http://www.gwenbell.com/blog/2009/11/30/the-best-of-2009-blog-challenge.html
6 Comments on “Best of 2009: Day #4 – Book”
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“…such earnest exchange is our new status quo.” Well, I love the quote you pulled from the book. But I also love that it shifted something in your relationship with your mom.
Posted on December 5, 2009 at 12:12 am.
This beautiful passage made me cry. This book is truly one of the most amazing books ever written. Thank you for choosing it and sharing how it has affected your life.
Posted on December 5, 2009 at 1:45 am.
I love the beautiful quote you selected and the meaning you found in it. (This book has been on my “to read” list for some time, but this little piece convinced me that I need to pick up a copy before year’s end!)
Posted on December 5, 2009 at 2:13 am.
Hey there, came across your post on the #best09 Twitter list — this is one of my favorite books of ALL time. I was constantly in tears through the whole book. Thanks for sharing how it’s made an impact on you.
Posted on December 5, 2009 at 12:49 pm.
I’ll have to take a look at that book. I love the passage you shared. I grew up the same way, in a family that rarely said “I love you” to one another. When I had children, I knew I would change that and it has carried over so that I say it to my family all the time. Sometimes it still feels weird. “How can you say I love you to someone you love?” But it is necessary.
Posted on December 5, 2009 at 4:47 pm.
I love that passage, too! I put the book on my list of books I want because I read your post. Thanks for sharing!
Posted on December 11, 2009 at 9:52 pm.